Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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