so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
