just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
