First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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