if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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