Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
