My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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