Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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