Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the liver wants what the liver wants
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
