just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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