so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
