I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize