this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
