Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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