it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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