I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
