I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
