Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
