Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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