i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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