Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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