this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
