I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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