I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
