Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
