Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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