I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
