glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
