Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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