A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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