I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
