Already got asked if we're dating
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
