Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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