I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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