my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
