your parents love me but you hate me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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