I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
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i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
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And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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