its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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