I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
