Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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