if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
