i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
