She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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