I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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