you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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