he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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