I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My dick has a subreddit
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
