So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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