fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
