I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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