I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
