If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
