the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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