Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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