Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
