...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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