I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
