Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
