Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize