Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
