So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
