I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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