Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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