Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize