he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
