I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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