just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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