So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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