Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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