READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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