Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
