there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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