I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
