Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
