'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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