apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
