she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
