shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
