Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
