if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
