dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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