The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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