I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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