but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
