someone owes me an orgasm
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
