i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
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Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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